I hate being home. I can't stand it. My little sister is a bitch and she can't blame it on just stupid hormones. I don't care if she's sick, she's old enough to know when to keep her mouth shut. But I'm the older sister so I get in trouble. I'm the adult, I need to be nicer. Bull crap. I'm so done with that crap. Really? I don't need this right now? I just got kicked out of school, found out the guy I'm in love with is seeing another girl without having the balls to tell me, and one of my best friends was literally dead for 5 minutes last week and I'm 900 miles away, nothing I can do for him. Why is it that I can never pick a decent guy.. I'm beginning to think there aren't any. All guys are ass holes and pigs. What's the point? I'm depressed. Again. Yay. Haven't felt this crappy since they took me off meds a year and a half ago. I want to rip my own heart out, literally not just for the figurative "oh no my heart is broken". I want it to stop beating so I can get some peace. I want peace. That's all I want. I want to be able to breath and think and be okay for one freaking day. That's all I ask. Why can't I get it? I don't expect anyone to read this because it's stupid. I hate it. I wish I didn't have to go through this crap. I'm so done with it all. I just want to be done.